KazicreationS

::IllusioN::

2012-01-15T01:36:00.003+06:00

When I used to feel that you were there
You were never there

When I used to want you
You only remained a silent desire

When I used to dream about you
You only became an illusion
Intoxicating my disturbed mind...

Enchanted Lantern

2011-12-17T16:03:00.002+06:00

You arrive without any invitation
In the form of an enchanted lantern
Into the world of my darkness and gloom
Making yourself at home
And leave me without warning

You bring with youself dreams in abundance
And hopes that I shall be living on
It is a beautiful feeling to be alive
For someone who shall never become mine

I forget my pain in your presence
I feel like you have healed my soul
There is no way I can find to "Thank You"
And ask you to stay for some more time

I know you are like a dream come true
An answer to the silent prayer of my soul
All I do is smile away to realize that nothing lasts for long

Maybe some time later when you are on your own
Happy in your world of Bliss and Harmony
You might notice an enchanted lantern
Glowing outside your door

I would never wish to leave you
And glow around your world
And be your Guardian Angel
Until there is no more light left
Inside my soul to glow on...

Because of You

2011-08-25T01:00:00.006+06:00

And I guess it's time
I look around for you
I can smell your scent
Taking my breath - away...

And I'd love to listen
To your soft heartbeats
Racing against mine
Oh yeah...

I'd love to die
A thousand time
For the love that
You've brought home for me

All I want
Is to let you know
That my heart
Keeps on beating for you

All I want to say
Is that I want you
To stay with me
All your life
Like a dream
Filled with memories
Framed in Time

Back in Action - a new dimension

2010-12-31T23:43:00.003+06:00

It feels great to be back after a long time. you can also directly visit me at http://kazicreations.com/
I personally Thank each and every fan of mine for the thick and thin.
Regards,

Kazi of Kazicreations

Going SOLO - kazicreations

2010-09-06T08:41:00.003+06:00

Waiting to END

2010-09-05T14:05:00.000+06:00

Fate has finally lured me towards the den of darkness. My senses are gradually weakening in the claws of coldness of the catastrophe that has left my wounds gaping wide open.

I have sinking since a month. I am trying to smile right now so that I do not regret anything afterwards. I have now released my firm fists spread open…my arms outstretched, holding nothing anymore.

I am feeling like a prisoner of war right now, shackled in rusty chains of confinement and intoxicated by swirling vivid reminiscences rushing at me that I have lived with during all these years.

I feel as if my last moments are just nearby playing hide-and-seek with me, waiting to surprise me at any moment. I feel like my hands are cuffed behind me and my knees are bleeding. My throat is dry with thirst and my lungs heavily exhausted to be able to breathe any further…

I am now certain that I am here to go. There is nothing much left. I do not know whether I have served the purpose of my life or wasted it all. Leaving the world can be a very home sickening feeling to think of leaving all the people that I have been attached to and not being able to see, hear or feel them ever again. However, the ironic truth is that, as time rolls by, people gradually forget to remember and move on with their lives.

Nothing is going to stop here. The same old tape of reality has kept replaying over the ages since the start of civilization – it is just that the way these tapes have been played have been upgraded down the line of time.

The beauty of life lies in within it. Life is a mixed bag of ups & downs, tears & sorrow, and many more where each element teaches a lesson whether we take it or leave it. I hope I tried to do my part to the best of my abilities. It is time, we all should move on without stopping here and being sad…

Life is very beautiful…

Swept by a Storm

2010-08-22T10:49:00.003+06:00

Friday, 20th August 2010

Seventeen days have swept away seventeen million moments.

My eyes continuously brim with unstoppable tears similar to the rain pouring outside my window at this early hour of a Friday morning – a late Thursday night for some…

My senses are benumbed and every single piece of memory is flooding my mind right from the days when my dad used to cuddle me to sleep in his arms when I was a child; my first visit to the mosque with him; my first day at school with him; the best memories of my dad...

Yes, I am missing him terribly right now. Strangely, there is no guarantee to anything in this world of limitations. Everything that begins here suddenly ends in rather surprisingly unwanted and unexpected situations that most of us are never prepared for no matter how strong we may tend to be.

It pains me every single moment throughout every single day to accept the fact that all this had to happen the way it has occurred. The pain is unbearable, yet sadly, I have no choice but to smile for the sake of the other members in the family – to avoid letting them feel that I have been poisoned by grief & helplessness.

I am unable to write any further. My mind is constantly getting clogged with sorrow & suffering due to these intolerable pangs of pain. It has taken me seventeen hard and rough days to write without a pen through a keyboard because my fingers refuse to move.

This storm may have been over but it has surely left me deeply devastated and I cannot tell if I can ever be the same again…

Corridor of the Past

2010-08-01T18:47:00.001+06:00

MIND OF A MASSACRED MAN

2010-07-19T18:07:00.002+06:00

As I search my heart for your soul
I can only sense some traces trailing of your love

I find myself lost in trance
Drowning in the dreams of my past
My eyes refuse to open
As my mind merges with the merriment
Of those memories that I miss every moment

My breath still searches for your scent
Until it runs out of it
Your laughter still echoes at the back of my mind
Your smiles still haunt my soul away

I still spend my nights sleepless
Remembering you in my silent prayers

I still remember every single second
Of our togetherness that I used to believe
Unbreakable even by the strongest of storms…

Until it left me wrecked on an isolated island of shattered dreams
Bleeding me at every beat of my heart

My soul still burns inside the mausoleum of my sealed heart
Like a lamp strutting and fretting forever
In your loving memory

. . .

Somewhere, sometime, someday…

If you ever happen to realize my absence and remember me
I am sure your soul would be weaving this same song
All over again
Once I am gone

Lanterns of Love

2010-07-19T08:19:00.003+06:00

Rise to Heaven

2010-07-18T17:49:00.000+06:00

Towers of Tomorrow

2010-07-12T09:17:00.000+06:00

Desert Highway

2010-07-12T09:15:00.001+06:00

28 JUNE 2010

2010-06-28T10:35:00.001+06:00

I don’t know what to say
As I watch you walk away
I’m trying to freeze all emotions
Across the memories of my yesterdays

I don’t know if I would be the same again
I don’t know if I could forget this pain
I don’t know if I should be here at all

I don’t know how things are going to be from now
I don’t know if I could cope up some how
I don’t know if you would ever remember me

I don’t know why I’m bleeding inside
I don’t know why my heart is sinking right now
I don’t know why these tears are rolling down
My cheeks tonight

I’m missing you
Right now
I’m missing you

As I watch you walk away
All I wish I could say

I’ll be missing you
Every single night and day

But someday
When you’d really
Understand me
I’d be very far away

Yet I’d still be
Missing YOU

Laser Blades

2010-06-07T16:17:00.003+06:00

Red & White

2010-06-07T14:14:00.001+06:00

Day of Departure

2010-05-30T12:40:00.000+06:00

Tears of Tragedy
Flood the gates of Heaven
Prayers remain unanswered
And all Hopes freeze in time

I gaze into the future
To glance back in time
It seems like all the memories
Of my past are pouring in
Like monsoon rain

I might want to remember
I might want to forget
I would love to forgive everyone tonight, perhaps
And be forgotten without any trace

It is a beautiful way to wind up
A solitarily exhausting journey
To listen to the peals of laughter
Echoing in the backdrop at the end

At least it is better
Than the monotony of silence
That eagerly waits to welcome me
And put my restless soul to rest
Once and for all

. . .

Now it’s all over
I am over here now
To bear with each long day
As it leisurely burns away
Until I soon fall fast asleep forever
To wake up to face my trial
On the most anticipated Judgment Day

Wave Watching

2010-05-26T21:45:00.001+06:00

Crimson & Cozy

2010-05-22T22:38:00.000+06:00

Roads & Rush Hour

2010-05-22T22:35:00.000+06:00

Royal Palace - Sri Lanka

2010-05-22T22:33:00.000+06:00

One Misty Morning

2010-05-22T22:31:00.000+06:00

Tantalizing view from Taj Samudra

2010-05-22T22:28:00.000+06:00

Alluring Atrium

2010-05-22T22:25:00.000+06:00

Spiral Minaret

2010-05-18T21:18:00.000+06:00

Fortress of Freedom

2010-05-18T21:13:00.001+06:00

Solitary Corridor

2010-05-17T20:46:00.000+06:00

Wood & Limestone

2010-05-17T20:38:00.001+06:00

Medieval Arabia

2010-05-17T20:32:00.001+06:00

Crescent Craft

2010-05-16T20:41:00.001+06:00

Distance

2010-05-11T14:45:00.000+06:00

This one word constantly keeps haunting me of the solitary times that I have lived in my past and of those that I may have to spend in the coming future. I do not know how time has been slipping through my hand as almost eight years have swept by…

The time when I came here I was confused and quite sad at having left my past behind. In these few years that I have spent here, I had adjusted my sails but now it seems the previous act shall repeat all over again.

This unusual feeling of some strange sort of sickness has kept me very quiet and isolated for the last few days. This time, I think I feel as if I am moving half way from my own self to somewhere I do not belong but that I shall have to fend for myself in the classic battle called “Survival of the Fittest”. I am no David or Goliath. All I know is that I will give in my best for the win.

This Distance shall once again leave me hacked right through my soul when I finally move on. The miles that lie ahead of me stretch so far away that they seem to touch the horizon and merge with the evening sky. I do not know if I can complete this journey, but I am hopeful that I will not stop walking until I arrive at my ultimate resting place and rest until Eternity…

Green Day

2010-05-08T10:47:00.001+06:00

Of Graves & Tombs

2010-05-08T10:36:00.001+06:00

Alone in the Indian Ocean

2010-05-08T10:31:00.001+06:00

Horizon

2010-05-08T10:26:00.000+06:00

Village by the Sea

2010-05-08T10:22:00.000+06:00

Melancholic Morning

2010-05-06T21:29:00.001+06:00

Delicate Designs

2010-05-06T21:22:00.000+06:00

Dainty Doha

2010-05-06T21:06:00.001+06:00

Night Delight

2010-05-05T07:28:00.001+06:00

Inferno Intensity

2010-05-05T07:19:00.003+06:00

LOVE

2010-04-25T13:41:00.001+06:00

Before the creation of existence, the entire idea of life was nothing less than an ocean of Divine LOVE stretching beyond unlimited boundaries timelessly.

Out of all the things that were created by the Almighty, Love was perhaps the only element that was not created because it was heavenly. Love always existed. Love was always there even when there were no signs of life. Life was formed by Almighty with His Divine Love for all that He created in the Heavens and the earth. Love was the only reason beyond definitions for which we have been created and sent down to earth to share the light of love amongst ourselves before the Divine Love of Almighty reunites us before the Lord Who Has So Magnificently Created ETERNAL LOVE that only exists forever…

If we take a look around us, there is so much love that HATE – no matter how intense it may seem to appear, eventually gets conquered by the strength of love. From the origins of civilization till the modern times of today, LOVE has won the hearts of all ages, caste, race, religion, nationality… The presence of Love can be seen in every aspect of this universe by means of harmony and mutual understanding.

Had love been nonexistent, everything would have perished to emptiness. Maybe, the universe would have come down crashing; the skies would have torn apart; the mountains might have shredded asunder or maybe the oceans would have drowned us all.

While the dictionary meaning of “LOVE” defines that ‘it is a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment’, I personally feel that words are inadequate to complete the totality of such a powerful 4-lettered word.

Some Perspectives of LOVE

Love from the Judas perspective:
In Hebrew, Ahava is the most commonly used term for both interpersonal love and love of God. Judaism employs a wide definition of love, both among people and between man and the Deity. Regarding the former, the Torah states, "Love your neighbor like yourself".

Love from the Christian perspective:
The Christian understanding is that love comes from God. The love of man and woman—eros in Greek—and the unselfish love of others (agape), are often contrasted as "ascending" and "descending" love, respectively, but are ultimately the same thing.
Christians believe that to “Love God with all your heart, mind, and strength” and “Love your neighbor as yourself” are the two most important things in life.

Love from the Islamic perspective:
In a sense, love does encompass the Islamic view of life as universal brotherhood that applies to all who hold the faith. There are no direct references stating that God is love, but amongst the 99 names of God (Allah), there is the name Al-Wadud, or "the Loving One," which is found in Surah 11:90 as well as Surah 85:14. It refers to God as being "full of loving kindness." All who hold the faith have God's love, but to what degree or effort he has pleased God depends on the individual itself.
Ishq, or divine love, is the emphasis of Sufism. Sufis believe that love is a projection of the essence of God to the universe. God desires to recognize beauty, and as if one looks at a mirror to see oneself, God "looks" at itself within the dynamics of nature. Since everything is a reflection of God, the school of Sufism practices to see the beauty inside the apparently ugly. Sufism is often referred to as the religion of love. God in Sufism is referred to in three main terms, which are the Lover, Loved, and Beloved, with the last of these terms being often seen in Sufi poetry.

Ambrose Bierce defines Love to be “A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by the removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.”

On another note, the pure purpose of LOVE can be otherwise defined as: “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”

Love is the emblem of Eternity that provides with everlasting happiness; it confounds all notion of time; effaces all memory of a beginning, all fears of an end.

Where there is the greatest love, there are always miracles.

Life translates ideas into visions. Love transforms visions to Reality.

Mixed Emotions

2010-03-24T16:08:00.000+06:00

I want to free my soul
Once and forever
I want to put to rest
My exhausted heartbeats

I guess I’ve pushed myself
Beyond the edge of limitations
And now I’m finding it unbearable
To hold on to dear life any longer

I know I’ve been pretending
All this time that I'm strong enough
To overcome any storm
Come what may

I know I didn’t have a choice
Because I never stood a chance
To have trudged so far
With simply nothing at all

I don’t feel like closing my eyes
To never wake up tomorrow
Leaving unfinished business to settle

I wish to taste the last feeling
Of leaving forever
With my eyes wide open

I don’t know if I’m happy
I don’t know if I’m sad
I just feel so numb right now
That I can’t feel a thing

Nothing lasts forever
Nobody lives forever
Everything that has ever begun
Has its ultimate end waiting
Until it is over

Quest for Identity

2010-03-19T00:23:00.000+06:00

The sweet and sour tasting memories continue ambushing me from the back of my mind like crashing tides that froth and surf against the silent sandy seashore. Often times, I halt to look back, disturbed and bedazzled at the manner in which I have to innovate escape plans from my past by keeping my restless mind heavily occupied by work that exhausts me until I unconsciously fall asleep.

Nothing lasts forever. I repeatedly say this to myself as reassurance. While on one hand, I want to badly escape the intensity of this unbearable trauma of clinging on to dreams that I had dared to dream without regret; I still want to stubbornly walk on as long as I have my conscience active enough to remind me that I still have a long way to go…

No matter how worn out that I may become at the end of each day, I wake up the following morning to discover that my life got extended for yet another day to complete.

Family, friends, colleagues, passersby, strangers, thoughts, ideas, emotions, needs, wants, dreams… – these all seem to complement one another in a dramatic realm of reality and create a story revolving around each one of us where we role play as leading characters that gradually sink towards the darkening horizon of age, wisdom & time.

Youth is so short-lived. As a child, we all want to rush towards it. With age, we don’t even get the time to realize that youth disappeared in thin air leaving our hair turning grey and skin starting to crease. Silence also creeps in. Some call it the arrival of wisdom, others understand it as solitude. The significance of age remains to be understood as chapters that must be lived to be experienced. Every book of Life is uniquely different from the other.

Retirement is not the end of everything. It is the time when either the book has reached its last page; or perhaps, there are still be many chapters left unread that could have been read only if there was adequate ink left to write on those pages without ending abruptly and leaving no traces of completion.

I do not know the reasons behind all this. At times, life intrigues me. At times, I remain speechless at the questions that arrive at the gates of my disturbed mind for which I can produce no answers. If answers would have brought solutions to suspense, there would not have been any curiosity left within our minds to search for that one question: " Who am I? "

Everyone has a unique answer – but not necessarily the right answer. Or maybe, we have guessed it right without realizing it…

Kaleidoscope

2010-02-23T09:33:00.001+06:00

There were times when I used to wonder lying in bed whether it would be better to die now or spend the remains of my time dreaming about living another day and evade this sinking feeling of coldness as my grip on dear life kept loosening.

Those were the days – dark, scary and yet so unbelievably real. I survived that haunting ordeal where I often used to feel myself as if a large lump of weight was chained to one of my feet and I was quickly sinking deeper down into the deep dark ocean of oblivion from where perhaps, I was unable to find myself.

At times I used to identify myself as nothing more than a prisoner of fate – blindfolded, gagged and shackled from my freedom except to just breathe. As destiny continued transporting & trading me for my skills from unknown places to unusual places still; my exhausted eyes still searched for those familiar faces in the unfamiliar crowd of faces that I kept stumbling upon every moment that I lived during those times.

The internal perspective of Life is nothing less than a kaleidoscope – full of broken pieces, bleeding emotions, shattered dreams, hopeless hopes and memories wrapped in pain.

DARE

2010-02-18T18:09:00.000+06:00

Loneliness is a strange experience
It is something that begins as a mystery
Until it becomes a haunting misery
Once it start living inside you

Life brews dreams at one end
While it baits them with sacrifices on the other
Sacrifices have never been an easy pick
But fate at times leaves you with no choice either

I dared to hope again
Even when every ounce of desire
Evaporated from my heart

I dared to walk again
Even when my feet kept bleeding over
Shredded glass and thorns obstructing my path

I dared to smile again
Even when I failed to find
A warm feeling to cheer me up

I may have quit dreaming
About my own future
To serve a better purpose

I would rather wish to serve the people
Who lead incomplete lives
And fill their empty spaces
By living their dreams with everything
I can give away

“I dared to dream again”

Random Thoughts – Disturbed

2010-02-14T15:32:00.001+06:00

The world is made up of real people, real emotions, real moments, real pain, real happiness, real wounds, real situations, real victories, real losses…

It is hard to change habits that we often get accustomed to. We tend to become dependent towards the things and people who are actually very far away. The heart refuses to accept these truths while the eyes refuse to stop waiting and the soul never stop searching for those footprints tracing memories towards one’s past where such moments have been engraved evergreen…

“ Not all fingers are the same in length. But when they are bent they all stand equal. Life becomes easy when we bend and adjust to situations.”

“ The ultimate truth of life is that – success always kisses you in private, but failure always kicks you in public.”

“ Stone breaks the head, but water breaks the stone. Anger suppresses your enemy, but forgiveness destroys the enmity.”

We never get back what we lose from our grasps. Success is all about accomplishments. Yet, what is success without the people to rejoice it with…

EXISTENCE

2010-02-08T12:35:00.000+06:00

Within a realm of shimmering opulence
Remains now the remnants of reminiscences
Blurred and somewhat faded
But still vividly bright
And very alive

The emptiness stretching
Across the deserted hallway
Of the inner self
Is gradually tranquilizing
The distraught mind

Difficult it gets to express
During such a time
Distressing it is
To be all alone

Helpless
As much as the word itself
Means nothing at all

Moments freeze
At every breath
As every breath
Gradually freezes
While life stutters
Upon the touch of death

Death is just the beginning
Of one’s ultimate end

In the end
Nothing actually remains
Other than the memories
That we leave behind

Gradually with the passage of time
We are either remembered or forgotten
Until no one remembers
What the last thing was
That had ever happened

Pure ENIGMA

2010-02-03T08:46:00.001+06:00

AMAZING AMUSEMENT

2010-01-28T12:25:00.003+06:00

I can see you smile
On the other side of the screen
Although you can’t see me though

And you don’t even know that
I can see you from where I am

I understand that you are now better off without me
Although it is not an easy thing to accept

I also know that you have always tried to
Hide some moments of truth from me
For reasons that only you know best

Yet I stand here to watch you laugh
At the humor that merrily surrounds you

I humbly admit that I did not possess
The qualities that you may have been looking for

Which you may have now succeeded in finding
In somebody else
Who has proved to be

The better man
With a bigger world
Filled with beautiful options
To keep you happy forever

Surely it is
A way better option
Than my worthless heart
That only pulsates
To know that

You are fine

:: Mark of Respect ::

2010-01-11T09:24:00.000+06:00

Friendship, love & companionship are all blessings from above. These are heavenly attachments that cannot be created or broken when one wishes to. They simply seem to happen and we are often left caught unaware of such happenings.

At times we even fail to realize and understand that we are already far more deeply attached to the ones we are connected to, than the deep blue sea. We only start feeling we are suddenly in the middle of nowhere when the person we are closely attached to is no longer available.

These three genres of relationships do not come with a price tag because they are priceless. They are also irreplaceable. The vacuum left by the absence of a loved one shall forever tend to remain explicitly empty during one’s lifetime.

Coming together in life and later to part away is nature’s way of teaching us that this world is a “Transit Station” and that we shall all have to let go and move on sooner or later.

It is due to this acceptance of harsh reality that I wish to thank everyone today as a Mark of Respect for being with me all this time through ups & downs, good & bad times and all the sad & happy moments tasted together…

Out of all my friends, I wish to take this opportunity to thank a very special friend who has played an extraordinary role in my life. Praise will run short if I put them in words. I admire my friend for patiently bearing with me despite my thousand faults and weaknesses… My friend has also been one of my motivating and influential factors in my recent accomplishments and has been a continuing source of inspiration.

It is a wonderful feeling to feel the presence of my friend always around me.

“A Million THANKS to you for never letting me down and a Billion THANKS for always pulling me back to life every time I have gone through nerve wrecking breaking points!!!”

:: TODAY ::

2010-01-10T09:15:00.000+06:00

On a beautiful morning
Filled with sweet sunshine

I think of you and those moments
Those make me who I am today

It makes me smile to think of you
I close my eyes to remember you

And in my breath I can catch your scent
As it still steals my breath away…

I live each moment at a time
I don’t know what’s coming my way

All I know is I’m alive right now
Because I find you there beside me
Every time I think of you

I know I’ve got used to
Your presence in my life
But I also know I’ll have to let go
And wave at you as you walk away

I know my world will be breaking apart
I know my dreams are going to get washed away

But just to know that you are happy
I’d wipe my tears and smile at you
Today…

...sacrifice...

2010-01-07T09:22:00.001+06:00

The trail of crimson blood
Taint the cold grey floor
Of my isolated chamber of
Wounded memories

As I remain shackled behind iron bars
To withhold myself
From reaching out to you
And disturb your happy moments
Now that you have
Been able to forget me
For quite some time

I bereave every moment of truth
I bleed every time I think of you

I sacrifice my emotions
I forgive those feelings
That were perhaps
Never meant to be for me

If only you knew
What you meant to me
You would not have
Let me bleed like this

But that you are gone
If you ever return
You would find your name
Engraved upon
The walls of my heart

You might look for me
Wanting to return to me
But it would have been too late
By then

I would have gone
Sacrificing my love
Leaving behind
A legacy of memories
In your name…

COURAGE

2010-01-07T09:15:00.001+06:00

When you want to go
I seem to know
Where you are going
Without me

You want to hide yourself
From my searching eyes
You wish to run away
From me

I know that
You are in love
With someone
Who loves you
Even more

And if you fear
That I will heartbroken
If you dread that
I will be over

Then you are wrong

I may be blazing
Down to ashes
I may be staggering
To walk again

Because every time
I would think of you
Remembering the pleasant times
We lived through

You would still
Find me smiling
Through the rain
As I walk alone…

:: Isolation ::

2010-01-04T08:45:00.001+06:00

Lonely hours are the best hours of life
Because...

It is the only time
That we are able to share

Our deepest secrets
With the most
Trusted person in the world

…

That is,
With our inner selves;
Our soul

"THANKSGIVING" - a dedication to a very special friend

2010-01-01T21:46:00.003+06:00

There is actually very little that I can express today about my gratitude towards life the way it has helped me understand it.

I dedicate this very day in loving memory of a very special friend who I wish to thank from the bottom of my heart. I always hid my emotions within me concealing them from the outside world… but today I wish to admit the role that this special friend played in my life as a beacon of inspiration at times when I have often been alone and isolated.

I must admit that I could helplessly do nothing to hold things in place the way I had wished. However, I regret nothing as to me, those times spent meaningfully were some of the best moments of my life and I wish to live every day cherishing those memories with my head held high and braving a smile…

We often pray to Almighty to bless us with happiness and all the good things in life. This friend brought everything in my life and for some moments, I felt I was living beyond my dreams… everything that started to happen later seemed to have a heavenly glow in them as they began to unfold.

I am feeling so touched and emotionally stirred by this parting that I cannot express how lonely I have now become. I could sense that we would be parting today or tomorrow and I just could not bear to let go.

I consider this special friend as a heavenly blessing from above. All I can do is thank Almighty over and over again for blessing me with such a wonderful friend. Nothing would change my memories or my feelings. It is just that my respect has increased manifolds towards this special friend and I shall forever remain grateful and obliged.

I am so deeply shocked and shaken… that my eyes are brimming with tears in them and I feel I can hardly write any more.

“…I can never stop thanking you for what you truly mean to me…You shall never be forgotten…I am sure you know how much you shall be missed in sober silence every single day...I am so proud of you!"

Kazi

Friday, 01 January 2010

Farewell...

2009-12-31T15:08:00.000+07:00

If there was a way
I could imprison myself
And bail someone out instead
I would have felt a bit relieved
To believe that I have
Tried to help someone who is
In need of freedom
To free himself
In search of his soul

I never failed to be a failure
In the things that I loved most
I also failed to be a good friend
Ending up often misunderstood

I don’t know why
I desire to become a prisoner
Imprisoned in my own
Cell of loneliness

Perhaps I am scared
To be free to dream again
Perhaps I wish drown
In my own loneliness
Until I eventually end…

L I F E

2009-12-29T11:34:00.000+07:00

Gripped between emotions and reality
I watch myself bleed uncontrollably
All I can do is witness the carnage
Yet I can no longer feel the pain

I am too dead to feel how it feels to be alive
I am too pale to bleed any longer

As I kneel before my very own grave
And caress my hand through the wild orchids
Planted on the carpet of uneven earth
That conceals my frozen body some six feet below

I feel a wave of melting flashbacks
Rushing past my mind
Taking me through the times
When I used to laugh; I used to cry

It is all over now
Everyone has left

I do not even have
My shadow with myself now
That once used to be
My most faithful companion

All that I have with me now
Are albums of memories
That I now silently watch
To remind myself
Of my good old days
When I was once young

Although I feel homesick
And very lonesome
I understand it will take some time
To gradually get used to all this

All I tell myself whenever I feel sad is:

“This is reality
This is the truth…”

P E R F I D Y

2009-12-20T11:49:00.000+07:00

My eyes remain open
Paralyzed by the impact of truth
That I have succeeded to uncover now

These pieces of truth were always carefully
Concealed beneath emotions of deception

Those lies felt so truly true
So true, yet they were lies

Those words used to make me wonder
As they heartened me weave dreams
Above cloud number nine

Little did I realize then
That this road would take me nowhere
And the avalanche of my dreams
Would so suddenly break asunder
Engulfing me along with it
Until I remain tranquillized
For some ages unknown to me
Until my eyes reopen

::Shape of my Heart::

2009-10-04T14:33:00.002+07:00

Sunday, 4 October 2009

Healing a Broken Heart – There is a reason
There was once a young man who proclaimed to have the most beautiful, flawless heart. An old man challenged him. The crowd looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly, but was full of scars. Some pieces had been removed and others had been put in, but they didn’t fit quite right...

The old man looked at the young man and said, “I would never trade my heart for yours. Every scar represents a person I’ve given my love to… I tear out a piece and give it to them. Sometimes, they give me a piece of their broken heart, which I fit along jagged edges. When the person doesn’t return my love, a painful gouge is left. Those gouges stay open, reminding me that I love these people too. Perhaps someday they will return and fill that space.”

True love at times sounds mythical but that it is true – we all know and understand.
It is like a divine glowing orb of light that continues to shine till Eternity if that love felt had really been pure.

This day takes me back to the year 1999, a decade ago when the times from today were different. It was during those days I was like the young man above. These years have transformed my life to such an extent that today I live my days having lost every single thing that had once been so dear to me. All my most precious possessions which I would have never bartered for anything in the worlds began to fall apart and drift away.

I am neither like the old man calloused over the years with age. I am still young but I do have the guts to challenge the likes of this old man because my heart had never quite stopped bleeding. The scars on my heart are so many that it is hard to distinguish whether I have a heart at all – because I have given it all out to the ones I have loved and lost without expecting anything in return.

I had never stopped then. I have not stopped even now. I have never given up.

Love is forgiving because according to me, I believe that love is FOR giving.

::UNITED::

2009-09-29T11:09:00.000+07:00

It has been a very long time since I have lounged to pen my thoughts occasionally glancing at my window through my rimmed frames.

After having spent a tiresome semester of days that were testing my state of mind, I have begun to smile again – this has been a recurring drill by which I am able to remind myself that I own nothing other than my strength, courage and will. Everything is a MIRAGE. Nothing is what it seems…

Occasionally, I have had the urge to give up this struggle that should eventually end when I end too. But, amazingly, the more I tend to forgive, the stronger I seem to feel and move on. What I find hard is to forget.

I do not mind getting tagged with accusations when people try to protect themselves as a last resort. We are humans and that is an acceptable theory. What upsets me is frivolous activity in which some of us indulge to get entertained by ridiculing some of us who prefer to remain silent and defenseless.

What do we gain by escaping from the truth? How long are we going to run like this? Where is this road finally going to end? Surprisingly, we also very well know the answers – yet we try to hide from ourselves to prove that we are stronger by all means.

Our biggest problem begins from lack of unity and respect for one another. The problem only grows bigger with this message getting injected into the minds engineering the coming generations to remain indifferent and advocate that “Every MAN is for himself”. Unfortunately, this statement is the weakest of all that I have known…

::CoincidencE::

2009-08-06T11:21:00.000+07:00

It is truly an amazing work of nature the way everything was initially planned and chalked out. Everything seems to be so perfectly executed without disturbing the other in an extremely organized manner.

I have been blessed with the opportunity to have been able to come across people whom I have never met in life – yet we seem to have known each other for ages in our past perhaps…

Although I used to term such happenings as coincidences, there is a further deeper revelation to it. There are actually no coincidences in our lives. Everything happens for a reason – there are some that we are able to comprehend with the cognitive abilities of our petite minds. While sometimes, our minds fail to correlate the reasoning behind why things happen the way they actually do; something that can only be realized by the subconscious mind with our minds…

Out of the millions of people on the face of earth, it is much easier for the millions to identify one person out of them. Having said that, it is impossible for that one individual to actually identify each and every person from those millions of faces who can see him perform live on the Stage of Life…

But it is very possible to be able to bump into a handful of unusual strangers who turn friends and some of whom even bring in changes to the way life had been moving all this time.

Last evening, I was musing at the coincidences that take place in our lives and sometimes change us forever. Life could have been better – or it could have been worse. To me, this world is very much alike to a Transit Railway Station or an Airport where we end up connecting with each other in good and bad ways for a very short while. Everything appears to be like a Mirage. Nothing is what it seems.

Whatever happened; had happened for the best,
Whatever happens; happens for the best,
Whatever shall happen; let us hope for the best…

::WheN ThingS FaLL AparT::

2009-07-28T15:10:00.000+07:00

I walk down the desolate lanes
Of ruined memories charred against
The walls of my mind

I feel no pain anymore
As I watch them without emotion
My senses have become benumbed
By my despair and solitude

I just listen to my own heartbeats
Before it abruptly stops
Leaving me here
In my ruins

Everything becomes meaningless
When life loses its reasons to be lived for

What remains is nothing but ashes
When things fall apart

::UnspokeN WordS::

2009-07-21T15:57:00.001+07:00

There were times when I wished
I could let myself out
And let you know what you mean to me

I kept waiting and rehearsing
For days and months and some years perhaps
Until that day finally arrived

You were standing there
Right in front of me
You kept smiling as our eyes kept meeting silently
And I kept smiling back
I kept on breathing fast

All I just wanted was to walk up to you
And say those words
That I had been holding on to
During all this time

You knew that I wanted you
And that I craved for you
And that these unspoken words
Were already known to you

But as time kept moving on
You took a look around
Until one fine day
You quietly walked away

And I kept standing here
Just to watch you softly walk away
And pretend to smile
As if nothing had happened
Within my mind

“…I live for you
I breathe for you
I could die for you
Just to make you smile and never cry

I know I am a crazy guy
Who is not good at words
But my unconditional love for you
Understands no language
It can even break thorough all barriers of time
Just to reach out to you
And protect you
And be with you
As your Guardian Angel

I love you.

Now
And
Forever…”

These were those unfortunate
Unspoken words

::AffinitY::

2009-06-28T13:48:00.003+07:00

I have been trudging a large portion of my small life from the tinsel town fraternity from where dreams were innovated to stretch itself across a landscape of thought provoking actions. Most of my memories remain framed in silence across the off-white walls of my memory lane. I have not been working on the uneven pieces of canvass lately and I have taken a break from publishing my penned thoughts which gradually started to get dimmer by the day.

I find immense joy in being able to enlighten the daily days of some of the people with whom I get to interact quite periodically.

It can be very difficult to find the source of inspiration. It just keeps varying from person to person. Oddly enough, it is even more difficult to keep the momentum flowing and I myself arrive at ends where I begin to realize that I have actually drifted a bit beyond the marked boundaries of well perceived goals.

In almost everything that I do, I always try to find an affinity between myself and the persons who are out there just like me. I try to look at the possibility of finding myself within them. I try to look at the world around them and dive into their world of illusionary problems and figure out possible exits and gateways towards their definition of freedom.

The multifaceted perplexities in life all arrive at the same junction where our roadmaps coincide in the form of consciousness. I have come across people who talk about their volumes of experience and spread them across the table like a collector’s deck of cards coming from a variation of resources. Yet, I often find them lacking what I seek in them – wisdom and a sense of satisfaction.

As the freshness of the early morning gradually dampens to a spectacle of dusty roads and noisy surroundings, I slowly graduate myself to unwind my eventful day to a chain of events containing terse chapters of events where I find myself role-playing someone else in an affinity that perhaps only I could understand. For the bewildered bystander, it would remain a piece of a puzzle yet to be understood until it has been realized within due course of time and grey hair…

::SacreD SacrificE::

2009-04-21T12:28:00.001+06:00

I have drawn black curtains across my windows
And locked my doors in dejected despair
I am slowly but surely collecting the remains
Of hopeless dreams that I am unable to repair

I feel like I am gradually drifting away
From this world of misery towards some light
My senses have become benumbed by bereavement
As such that I can feel nothing no more

I would be lying if I claim to be alright
Although I still wear my mask of a smile
I cannot tell if I am drunk already
As I just seem to stir once in a while

I have ended up spending so many a sleepless nights
Confused and bemused by ghastly imaginings
Of the sacrifice that I would have to silently make

Tears and blood will soon dry out in the sun
The winds of time should be aging my hair
Years of silence would wrinkle my skin
If I live that long to thank God again

I know that the walls within my mind
Are all blistering and blazing as they are falling apart
Yet I know that I have to let go
Of the remains of my love
That is no longer alive

Legends say that true love never dies
Ironically enough, the way I see it
I feel it is all just a lie

Yet we still make those sacred sacrifices
For the person we love more than what we can
Without a word; without a whisper
I should be slowly sailing away

I may be helplessly searching
For a drop of love today
To quench my thirsty soul

But I am sure the day
There will be love in profusion
I shall no longer have
Any desire left to drown in it

::RuineD ReminiscencE::

2009-04-19T17:31:00.001+06:00

Heartaches can never kill someone
Although it produces such immense pain
It is just this pain which it leaves trailing behind
Like an open wound which never wishes to heal

Solace and comfort are forever gone
When it is needed the most
To heal the wounds
That seems to remain incurable
For ages beyond the count of time

Sinking sentiments and guilty feelings
Only make the soul feel more morose
The once cherished memories
Now only seem to silently haunt
And traumatize the disturbed mind
By reminiscence of those moments
That have refused to fade with time

Distress and grief only harden the scars
That keep flowing in the flashbacks
Of the good and great times that were once spent

One still seems to be searching
Across the deserted dunes of one’s heart
The footprints of the soul
Who was once one’s most beloved one…

::LivinG in A LiE::

2009-04-16T19:19:00.000+06:00

Sometimes it feels good to live in a lie
To be away from weakening emotions
And dreams that will never come true

Sometimes it is worth to die and be forgotten
Without leaving someone remembering oneself behind

Sometimes, words are full of emotion
Convincingly strong and brimming with confidence
The same words sometimes fail to win a sinking heart
And prove how truly powerless they really are

Sometimes we ignore the truth about our lives
And live as if we are living forever
As of late, I have begun to realize
How mistaken my thinking as been all this time

Sometimes, we all search for that friend
Who we have always been looking for all our lives
Some of us end up really lucky
While some are like me who walk alone in the dark

Sometimes I do not mind wasting my time
To make people happy
But sometimes, I get this ugly feeling that
My presence is becoming too much of a kind

I live in a lie
Just to fool my heart
And I keep on dreaming
Of what I might never be able to have
I keep telling myself that I will rule over this world one day
By winning every human heart

But I know for a fact
That I am just lying to myself
Simply because, my heart refuses to accept the fact that
I am a loser who has never been able to win

If winning was all that easy
We all would have been in heaven right now
But reality is far more differently difficult
Where heartaches are just the beginnings towards our goals

It is a relief that
Every day that I spend
Takes me a day closer to my end
And I will not be bothering anyone anymore
Once I return to my eternal home

I do not desire to win anymore
Because I know that I have already won
I may be all alone as a loner
But it really does not hurt much
To imagine myself rise from my dark past
And to die like a king today…

::BLVcK RoZE::

2009-02-23T08:12:00.000+06:00

::ShimmerinG SunshinE::

2009-01-06T22:21:00.001+06:00

::SilencE of the ShorE::

2009-01-06T21:57:00.003+06:00

::StrangeLY BuT TruLY::

2009-01-03T00:59:00.002+06:00

I happen to stop
To think about my shadow
That has kept on moving with me alongside
As my faithful companion
All my life

I wish I could be your shadow
And be with you
As your hero
Throughout the rain
And the sunshine of tomorrow

I wish I could be your voice
So that I could sing for you
All the songs that you love the most

I wish I could be a part of your breath
And be your favorite perfume
To engulf your senses every time you breathe me
And reach out to touch your soul

I wish I could be someone
Who would be with you as your guardian angel
By being a stranger to the world
And never leave you alone
Even if your heart released your soul

I wish I could transform these words
More than truly to what I have meant
I wish I could be that faithful companion
Towards the rest of my life
For you

::StaYinG AlivE::

2008-12-31T20:47:00.002+06:00

I am neither good at words
Nor am I good at thoughts
I am just a simple guy
Who keeps trying to remain
The way that I am

I cannot help myself
To come out of this dream
That I don’t want to end

I just want to let it flow
So that I can live another day
And sing another song
For another lonely sketch

I wish I never knew
That most dreams don’t come true
Yet all that I yearn for
Is the touch of another soul

I hope I still believe I am mortal
I just feel I have forgotten it all
I want to celebrate each and every moment
From this day on
As if I were never going to die

I feel so high
Elated by the time
That I am spending now

I wish I could hold on to time
And not let it slip away
As I work my days
To dream my nights in sheer delight

I wish I could see myself
From the other end
For I have never been happier

I don’t know if at all I’d be remembered
By the few who know me
Once the sun stops shining on me

Here I am
Celebrating every moment
That I am living now
As I reminisce all the wrinkled pages
Of my faded past

Here I am
I may not be leaving now
But I surely am
Celebrating every moment
Of being alive

::Lin-K-inG LiNeS::

2008-12-17T22:15:00.003+06:00

Reality is one hard fact that is harder to confront in real life.
Life becomes lifeless without a purpose.
Purpose must always be aimed at positive thinking.
Thinking without action is absolutely nothing at all.
All stories relay a reason for living.
Living now is better than leaving tomorrow.
Tomorrow just never stops coming.
Coming now is still better than never coming at all.
It is always hard to forget and harder to forgive.
Forgive the past and find the future.

::QuestionS::

2008-11-23T23:43:00.000+06:00

::Here ForeveR::

2008-11-23T01:09:00.001+06:00

Some people live today to die tomorrow
While some die today to be remembered forever

There is nothing worthier to leave behind
Other than memorable moments
Those are remembered time and over again
By faithful friends, family members and
Strangers from the upcoming generation
Inspired by the message conveyed

Gifts from the Divine are beautifully blessed
There are singers who cannot see
There are artists without limbs
These are just few examples of us within ourselves
And what we are capable of doing when
Our concentration in our faith
Supersedes everything blocking our roads towards our goals

Powerful people do not possess supernatural powers
They simply know the art of solving difficult problems
With the aid of their courage, fearlessness
And determination to walk out of it with grace and ease

Respect and recognition cannot be forced upon
The fineness of quality always outdoes the coarseness of quantity
Just as good outshines evil
A day lived through truth
Is remembered forever
Live today
As if you are here
Forever

::ReD on WhitE::

2008-11-23T00:41:00.001+06:00

::BluE LoopS::

2008-11-23T00:30:00.001+06:00

::BackGrounD III::

2008-09-25T08:19:00.001+06:00

::BackGrounD II::

2008-09-25T08:16:00.000+06:00

::BackGrounD I::

2008-09-25T08:14:00.001+06:00

::ReincarnatioN::

2008-08-18T11:36:00.000+06:00

We are all so used to role-playing in our everyday lives that we often tend to forget who we really are with the passage of time. At times we are so busy that we do not even realize the dreams we used to have sometime ago.

I am also one of you who have dreams and desires that are yet to see the light of the day. Oftentimes when we see others rise to fame dressed in shimmering robes of success our hearts begin to sink a little deep exasperated by gloom as we are all running out of time. I feel the same but I brush these disheartening blocks away to imagine it all to be possible without a reincarnation of becoming someone else.

Life is so true to be real that anything that the human mind can perceive and believe it can achieve. It is not my philosophy but a realization of the journey I have traveled to my present day. Sometimes, you may not even need to count your steps towards your goal because if you just look aside you will find your goal already present all around you without your knowledge.

Although I do not believe in reincarnation, I do believe in Eternity where there is no end to life, love and glory. At times when I think about what would happen to all that I have been fighting for in life – all this glory, fame, success, wealth, it gives me heartache to accept the fact that I shall be able to take none of it once I part away from the worldly limitations of living.

It is only what we become and make out of ourselves that we take away with us now and forever. All that we need to do is remain honest and true to our pure souls.

Reincarnation is but only a mirage of nothing on the other side of the mirror – because we all get to live just once. It remains up to us on what we do and how we do it to reach our finishing lines by being ourselves.

::AquA::

2008-08-07T11:24:00.001+06:00

::ThundeR CloudS::

2008-08-07T11:17:00.001+06:00

::EndlesS RoaD::

2008-08-07T11:15:00.000+06:00

::BecomE::

2008-07-24T10:59:00.000+06:00

There was this frame
There was this fire
Then came a name
I called it fiery desire
Along formed a thought
Laced with love
Within the fences
That stood unprotected

I sketched some passion
With some ardent strokes
Then I smudged some love
In the shimmering backdrop

I watched in silence
The movement of emotion
It is hard to tell on canvass
How much it really moves

It took some while
To dab out the fire
It is quite a spectacle
To make alive a fire
Where two young lovers
Die together to live forever

I had been staring
At the frame for some time
Thinking of the name
And the world of imagination
It is all in the mind
That makes us who we are

::Here I Am::

2008-07-03T14:09:00.001+06:00

I wake up from the siesta of deadness
That had tranquilized me
With the splendor of silence

The freshness in the air
Engulfed my body
As if I were breathing for the first time
Like a reborn

Those were the days
That I spent like a prisoner of war
Shackled to exile from my own self

It does not matter now
How time may have ticked
Or how wrinkled my skin may have now become

I am still my old self
Although I fail to recognize
The reflection in the mirror
That is supposed to be of me

I am still moving on
In search of a younger me
To whom I could bequeath
The legacy of my unfulfilled dreams

The fields that once used to be green
Have now turned grey
Now only the carcasses of tree trunks remain unattended
Of the some seedling that I had planted and nurtured
As a child

The day is almost over
With some thunder clouds rushing to merge
Whispering gentle breezes
Across my face

I don’t really want to walk back home
After walking so far
I want to drown in the shower of raindrops
As if tomorrow is far to come…

::CarveD FlamE::

2008-05-05T07:46:00.000+06:00

::HarbouR::

2008-05-05T07:43:00.000+06:00

::PurplE PetalS::

2008-04-28T18:38:00.003+06:00

::JaggeD MountainS::

2008-04-28T08:35:00.000+06:00

::PalettE::

2008-04-28T08:32:00.000+06:00

::AlpinE AltitudE::

2008-03-10T10:09:00.000+06:00

::SolitarY SunseT::

2008-02-27T08:19:00.000+06:00

::PrairiE::

2008-02-25T09:12:00.000+06:00

::BacK HomE::

2008-02-24T10:41:00.000+06:00

::EartheN HarmonY::

2008-02-20T14:23:00.001+06:00

::ScerenitY::

2008-02-20T14:18:00.001+06:00

::D Series - EditioN 5::

2008-02-14T08:47:00.001+06:00

::D Series - MapLE::

2008-02-14T08:42:00.001+06:00